If I fall
by Bunbunxox
Summary: Pein is having a normal meeting. Until he notices he can't keep his eyes away from one boy. He can't think straight, like he ever can? , he starts to stammer, he feels hot. He starts to find himself falling. Will he be caught? Ehehe PeinIta ItaDei fluff
1. Chapter 1

If I fall.

Chapter 1

Dismissed

"Itachi, stop fooling around! Deidara, same to you." Here I stood at the front of the Akastuki meeting table. I scowled at the two boys. I watched Deidara wiggle and giggle beside Itachi as they played with each others fingers under the table. Around the rounded table were all ten of us. I sat directly opposite of Madara. Beside me to my right was Konan than Zetsu followed by Itachi and Deidara. To my left came Hidan, Sasori, Kakuzu, and Kisame, than, of course, Madara.

"Sorry!" Deidara squeaked the ending of his sentence. His face flared red and everyone turned to look. I knew exactly what Itachi had done. He sat there with a smug little smile on his face, as arrogant as ever. Deidara looked down and flushed harder. He looked at Itachi, as though waiting for him to move his hand, but all the Uchiha did was smile.

Strangely enough, my fingers twitched for something to throw. But that's not it. The fact that that I didn't want to aim it at Itachi, the conductor of the hysterics that had now fallen upon my meeting, was strange.

The large domed hall was filled with awful laughter and loud bickering. The sounds bounced around the hall and into my head. Whispers pounded against my skull. More than the people at our table were speaking.

These voices clouded my head everyday of my life. They spoke from different points of views of every situation. Of every thing that was said. Of every sound.

"Stop. Talking." A silence, filtered with the angry waves of disapproval that washed off me, filled the room in concentrated tides. I was angry but I needed to stay calm. I had come to realize that when dealing with an assortment of belligerent immature fuckups, it's best to stay calm and remain un-confrontational. The chatter died immediately, replaced by a silence that was very deep. So I said this very calmly and slowly. "Itachi. Switch spots with Konan."

"Leeeeaderrr-saamaa!!!" Itachi complained uselessly. Konan gave me the helpless look but got up to stand behind Itachi.

"Move." I said flatly.

I just looked at him, dominance etched into my features. My expression dared him to disobey. His perfect lips drew slightly back over his teeth and a slight hiss slipped out but he rose anyhow. He brushed his way past Konan and came to sit beside me. He carefully angled his chair closer to Zetsu and away from me.

_Fucking bothers you, doesn't it Nagato?_

_It seems as though it might be bothering you. A lot._

_He seems… reluctant to have the boy sit… farther away. That's all._

The voices rang clear in my head in the almost silence of the room. Across the room, Hidan was scratching gruesome pictures with his nails into the table, a sure annoyance for me. It is true that no one can get away with anything in my house. I hear everything.

And while this might be true, I would want nothing more than to cut off my own ears and slice slits down my external Meatus. I don't want to hear what everyone is doing at every moment. I have no bother with it.

Pain sets into my ears everyday, a ringing that will never fade. And if I try to retaliate, I only scream louder. I can't stop the red blood that drips from my offended ears. Sometimes it's hard to think coherently. Bless, think at all.

_Nagato. Everyone's waiting._

The voice snapped me from my thoughts. I looked around at all the solemn faces. Each was waiting patiently. The silence deepened as I searched for something to say.

I look down at Itachi. He faced Zetsu with an angry glare. Zetsu sat expectantly, waiting for me. Konan smiled coyly. Deidara pouted. Madara… had his mask on, but I felt as though I could feel his thoughts underneath. Kisame sat paying attention to the little fish he was trying to give CPR to. Kakuzu was slyly taking a dollar out of Sasoris pants' pocket, who sat numbly starring past me. And Hidan sat scratching away. I looked back at Itachi.

"Thank-you. Well, we have to…" I was at a loss for words. For once in my life I couldn't find them. I looked away from Itachi and found I could think more clearly. Was I still that angry?

_Oh wake the fuck up Yahiko! You know what this means, don't you?_

I ignored the voice. It made me angrier. The worst part was that I did know. And I wasn't having that.

Craftily keeping my eyes from returning to the Uchiha, I began again. "As you all understand, I don't call you here for any reason at all. I call you on matters that are either interesting to me or are a threat to the organization. Or something repeatedly happens that annoys me." I threw a pointed look in Konans direction and she blushed. The room filled momentarily with laughter of remembrance.

"Is Konans hair caught in the drain again?" Asked Hidan rudely, setting off another bout of laughter, slightly louder.

"No, not this time." I smiled at them quickly, not flashing my teeth. "This time it's something that concerns you all."

I noticed how my words shifted the atmosphere. Hidan stopped his scratching to look up, Sasoris eyes focused on my face, Kakuzu lifted a brow, Kisame stopped giving the dead fish life support (which wasn't helping anyhow) and Itachi looked up over his shoulder. I looked away from Itachi.

"It seems we have a new, how can I put this lightly? A killer abroad. He is stealthy and classic. He kills the bad guys." I walked over to the wall and leaned up against it; I cocked my head back and threw a cheap smile in place.

"You all have another mission on top of your other ones." There was a loud groan. Successions of "Leeeadder-saaammaaa!" rang out. The shouts smashed around the room. I felt every one of them hit me like a punch in the face. Most of them were complaining to the person next to them, Itachi, stared at me relentlessly. I looked at the floor. "It's not as though it's hard or anything. Just, after your missions or during them, look around for some info on the killer Bloodlust."

They rambled a little, their voices rumbling a thunderstorm in my mind, setting alight the fire of voices in my head, each picking out someone else to dissect, but slowly their chatter went quiet, leaving them with disgruntled expressions and angry glares.

I stared at them and screwed up my face, my expression as mean as I could manage. Their faces went blank with horror. They stared back alarmed, pupils large. "Dismissed." I said bleakly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Waking up

**May 30, 2009**

After the meeting, I went directly to my room, furious.

I didn't wait for Dei because I knew he'd follow me soon.

I just went into my room and slammed the door shut.

I sat on my bed and closed my eyes.

I hit the stereo on, turned the volume up, and played my favorite song.

_MSI_

_What do they know?_

I closed my eyes and reached for my coke.

I cracked the lip of the can open and bent it up.

I lifted it to my lips and drank, suddenly realizing how thirsty I actually was.

I finished the can and threw it to the ground.

I turned down the music and waited for Deidara to knock on the door.

_Knock Knock_

I smiled.

Right on time.

_He opened the door slightly._

He peered smiled lips were love.

I nodded to him and he came.

"Hey, Itachi hm. What's goin' on hm?"

"Nothing really."

"I see hm."

"Yup."

Tense silence.

He smiled at me from under his blonde veil.

"Come here, Deidara."

Deidara smiled and shyly walked over to the side of my bed.

I patted the foot of my bed with my hand.

He sat down automatically.

_I know what he wants._

But I can't just-

"Itachi. I wanna know if you'll do something for me hm."

_Oh, no._

"I want you to…"

He blushed.

It was almost irresistible.

I sat up quickly, our noses almost touching.

He blushed at the closeness, and looked down.

"Yes..?"

I said it sweetly.

Apparently seductively.

He leaned forward into my mouth.

Our lips touched and something strange happened.

Fire erupted between our lips and scorched the skin.

We pulled away immediately, panting with eyes wide.

"I..Ita…"

I couldn't take this.

Some feeling erupted from inside me like a volcano of fiery lust filled ashes.

I reached behind Deis head, and pulled him against me roughly, but sensually.

Our tender touch had the same burning flame.

I heard Deidara gasp under my own lips.

I kissed him again, ravenous for more.

_More of what!?_

This fire that burned was unbelievable.

It set off so many fresh emotions, not felt since…

That's when he did it.

_Deidara killed me._

He reached up suddenly.

He grabbed a fistful of the collar on my shirt and held on tightly.

His shoulders tensed as he pulled me to him.

Eager for _more._

What was this?

I pulled away.

"Itaaaa…"

His voice was strained.

I almost smiled at the want in his gasp.

"Yes?"

"Help me!"

"With…?"

"Myself!! I don't know what that was hm but… It was weird hm. Different. Itachi! Help me!"

I pulled up short and cupped his sweet face in my hands.

He'd felt the same burn as me.

My heart sank.

"Deidara sweetly sitting before me. I feel so weak. I can't help you. I don't know _what _that was."

He smiled a loving smile.

"You aren't weak Mr. Poetic.

He swiftly pulled his face out of my hands.

"You just don't read, yeah."

His eyes lit up with excitement.

Like they always did when he had a chance to know something I didn't.

"Don't I?"

"Nope, hm."

I lifted an eyebrow at him.

He grimaced looking down.

"Okay… well… not enough, hm!"

He smiled at me brightly again, reattaching the battery of his former mood.

"How so?"

"Well… do you know what the soulmate principal says, hm?"

"No, Deidara. I'm not the chick, you are."

"WHAT! What does that have to do with it, hm?

I frowned.

"I don't read about "soulmates"

I waved my arms in a dramatic circle and said it dreamy like.

"That's really not my thing, you know."

Deidara didn't seem deterred at all.

He smiled proudly.

"Yeah! You read the boring stuff about cars and crap!"

He winked at me when he said 'crap'.

"It's not crap…"

I smirked.

His eyes went wide.

"Wha- whaaat?"

I grabbed for his wrist but he was faster.

He was quicker than I thought.

One minute he was sitting in front of me.

The next he was bounding across the room.

He stood in the corner panting.

He was craftily just out of my reach.

I threw myself at him.

This time he couldn't escape, _I had him._

I leaned against him, my entire body against his.

He hiccupped.

He wiggled.

He relaxed against me.

"Itachi hm! Let go m!"

"Nope. Not a chance."

He groaned and I melted.

It sounded so perfect.

I wanted to hear it again.

I shifted my legs between his.

He wiggled.

I held him in place.

He let out a gasp of fury when he realized he was caught.

I smiled at him.

He pouted.

I kissed his pout.

**The same burning fire scorched the tender area.**

Pressing myself firmly against him to keep him in place, I lifted my knee ever so slightly, rocking on the balls of my feet.

Deidara gasped wildly.

He pulled back to stare at me.

Red cherry flush raced all around his face, right up to the roots of his blonde hair.

And he just stared.

I lifted it a little higher, lifting my foot from the ground.

He gasped.

It was far from the groan I wanted so, I persisted.

Again.

Again.

Each time a little faster, a little higher, a little rougher.

Each time his voice rose up an octave.

I pushed up once more and I had him.

"Ita…" _He groaned._

I stopped.

He panted.

Deidara grabbed a fistful of my collar again and kissed me furiously.

The fire burned, but we pressed on.

In an awkward struggle, where I'm not exactly sure what happened, we suddenly ended up on the bed.

I was on top of him and he lay starring wide eyed.

We starred for a moment and then it happened.

As I stared relentlessly into the blondes teal bright orbs, it all happened.

We starred for a long time.

We gazed until his eyes seemed to see through mine.

He just seemed to consider me.

He just gazed.

He lifted a hand up to my collar and unbuttoned the first button.

Then the next.

The next.

_Next._

Soon my all my buttons were undone.

My self-control was lacking, but this was Deidaras first time being like this with anyone.

Amazing, he seemed as though he had practice.

I knew.

I would be his first.

Deidara was lost in thought.

He raised his hands up to rest them on my chest, on my collarbone.

As soft as a butterflies wings, he leisurely but unsurely slid his hands down my chest.

He traced all the curves and felt all of my body.

My body trembled at his touch.

I gasped, and he looked up worried.

"Itachi…"

I smiled.

_Smile._

His answering grin was fascinating.

The smile spread across his face illuminating his features.

He bit his lip, quite coyly, although I doubt he realized it, and smiled.

"Itachi, hm."

His signature soft 'hm' was barely audible to my ears.

"Yes..?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes. What is it?"

He breathed deeply.

"If… If… I…"

He blushed to his roots.

"Never mind!"

"Deidara. Tell me."

"No. I don't wanna say it anymore."

I looked him in the eyes.

"Dei."

He took another deep breath.

He looked me in the eyes with a fierce expression.

"I said I don't wanna tell you anymore."

"Deidara, please-"

He cut me off abruptly.

"Just shut up and kiss me!"

I stared at him and his demand.

He cocked an eyebrow.

I was still shocked.

Deidara sighed and looked down as if to say: "Guess, your not going to kiss me."

"Deidara…"

Then I got blown away.

With the cutest amount of tiny blush on his cheek, he looked up at me.

Determination etched into his delicate features.

He took a final deep breath that seemed to way a ton upon his chest.

He reached up.

His lips touched mine.

_So. Soft._

I gasped.

He moaned.

A white soaring heat picked up when the flesh met.

There was no pain, though.

Pleasure was found in the heat.

I kissed back fervently.

The only sounds that filled the room were the quiet movement of lips and Deidaras slight moaning.

Deidara sank his fingertips into the flesh on my chest and raked my body.

He moved his hands up to remove my dress shirt.

I aggressively groped at his shirt till our lips parted long enough to remove his top.

I gasped as I looked over his body.

Sure, he was delicate, but he was muscular.

I had never seen his body before.

Deidara always wore a shirt, even swimming.

Deidara blushed.

He instinctively moved his hands down to cover himself.

I moved them away, gathering them overtop of his head.

He flushed scarlet and looked at me with lusty eyes.

I knew that it embarrassed him, but I stared.

I used my other hand to start slowly tracing his chest, feeling all the curves and indents of muscle on his body.

His skin rose to me in blotchy red goose bumps.

A intensity was forming.

Waves of intense heat.

He licked his lips subtly, but it didn't go unnoticed.

I reached up and kissed them, reeling in the burn.

I kissed him.

His lips, his jaw, all down it.

His neck, I took my time.

I kissed and teased the warm area with my tongue.

I was getting ready to lightly bite him when I realized Deidara was trying to speak.

"Ita….hm…hm….Ita…."

I stopped but was reluctant.

"Yes?"

"Okay…."

I waited as he caught his breath.

"I have to tell you, about the soulmate principal m."

I groaned.

"Christ Deidara. Can't we do this," I motioned with my hand to his nakedness, "first?

"Yes, but-

It was rude but I interrupted him, I was in desperate need.

"But what Deidara Naoki?"

He gave me a mad glare.

"It's important, Itachi hm."

"So is this."

He pursed his lip.

"Itachi."

He started to speak but we both turned to the door.

We both turned to stare at the door.

Deidara pushed me away violently

I went willingly.

I saw Deidaras mouth drop and my heart stopped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Falling…

This was the part of my life where I wanted to fucking kill someone. I've always killed for no reason. I've even killed for reasons that meant nothing to me.

This was the first I _wanted_ to kill.

This all started because we had heard Deidara moaning from the kitchen and thought Itachi was out. We figured he was finally jacking off. So, they sent me to check. I finally got up to go check and this is what I got; two half naked boys, intertwined on a bed.

I stared at them. They stared back. Itachi and Deidara were tangled up on the bed shirtless. Deidara was underneath of Itachi, with his hands in the pushing away stance. He looked angry. Itachi looked angry, but at me. He wanted this fuck and he didn't care.

I stared blankly. I turned and walked down the hall. I was a coward.

***

I stood in front of the mirror. I looked at my placid expression in the parts of the mirror that still existed. It was the most illogical thing for me to do. Breaking stuff won't change the act going on upstairs. My red hair was ragged and my eyes were dull.

The water was running but I hadn't cleaned up yet. My blood slipped down the drain off the splattered chunks of glass. My blood was dripping off the remnants of the mirror and onto the white sink.

Leaving the water running, I slipped into my room. The pounding of the bed upstairs and the moaning was even louder. I couldn't escape it. The walls were spinning, although I tried with my hands to keep them still. Blood flung off my knuckles and splattered to the floor. I fell to my knees, whispers screaming, voices crying.

My head was a danger zone I wished to be free of. I was falling here and although I didn't want to be, I was. My head hit the floor and I heard water spill over the side of the sink. My eyes rolled in my sockets as I cried out for relief, so many thoughts. Thoughts that were to be banished on any normal time flitted through my mind.

_Crawl little Nagato crawl._

_You can't escape what I've created for you._

_Fucking bothers you, doesn't it Nagato?_

_You can cry with me brother but I can't protect you from something that is too large for me._

My own pathetic memories fell down on me screeching with the release of the chains, smashing down on me with force unconceivable to mankind. I had tied them up with wrought iron force and now they'd come loose. And who could I blame!? That fucking Uchiha, that's who! Balzy fuckup.

_ Don't be such a fuckup, Nagato._

_Mom stop, you're drunk, leave Nagato alone._

_CRY PAIN BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING AND NOONE ELSE TO CRY TO OR FOR._

_Let's show the world some Pain._

_Nagato, is it? What a cute name._

_Mooooom, Nagato ate the Tylenol again!! Help!!_

_NAGATO!_

_Nagato._

_Nagato?_

_Nagato?!_

"Nagato!"

_Peace is right before me eyes._

I opened my eyes. Konan was above me with tears in her eyes. "Nagato!"

I sat up too quickly and wobbled slightly. I looked up at my beautiful angel. Her blue hair cascaded over her shoulders, unbound and free but her eyes were tight and worried.

I looked down at the floor, and no wonder she was so worried. Cryptic words, had I smeared onto the floor in my own blood. I cursed the fuckers upstairs to the everlasting fiery pits of Hades, but that wouldn't change the fact that they were having sex.

I got to my feet and almost fell back down. Konan caught me in her gentle arms. I leaned against her for support and willed the moisture forming in my eyes to evaporate. I took a deep breath and steadied myself.

This was ridiculous. To get so fucked up over some little shit! Fuck it. I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to deal with Angel. I just slipped away into the shadows of my basement. Weeks passed.

Have condemned myself??


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Is this real?

**June 12, 2009**

Is this real?

Leader-sama hadn't been out of bed since… oh fuck.

Is this a joke?

We hear Konan is his only contact.

Who cares anyways?

Why should I give a fuck?

I woke up with Deidara overheating me. He was dripping in sweat and cum. He was actually quite a good fuck, if you ask me. He didn't cum to early, never too late. He could handle me continuing until I came.

He wiggled in his sleep and turned his head. That's when I noticed it. A healing cut just behind his ear. I reached forward to inspect it.

It was the length of my pinky but thin. It looked as though it had been cut recently. I wavered on whether or not to wake him. I decided it was important enough.

I cupped his face in my hands.

"Deidara… Wake up sleepy head."

He shuffled slightly but continued to sleep.

"C'mon. Wake up."

He seemed to ignore me.

"Wake up..!"

He slept on.

I shook him lightly, "Wake up..!"

He took a deep breath and kept on sleeping.

I smacked him. "Wake up!"

He wrenched upright. He looked terrified. He blinked, tears in his eyes.

"What?? Itachi??" He asked disoriented.

I reached for him, pulled him close. I rocked him slightly. He relaxed against me and looked up at me smiling. I smiled back.

"Good Morning." He chirped. I laughed and hugged him tighter.

"Good Morning, Deidara." I pulled him into my lap and kissed him. He giggled and laughed as I kissed his neck. "How are you this morning, baby?"

"I'm amazing, hm!" He glowed. He smiled at me and rambled about little things for a bit. I listened intently, laughing here and there and nodded my head. He could talk for hours, one good thing about Deidara. At times…

I felt bad that I had to interrupt him. The sun shone through the windows and illuminated his hair. His eyes were happy and full of life. I watched as his hand inconspicuously reached back to touch his cut every once in a while. I guessed that it hurt. I decided to interrupt him.

"Hey Baby, say, where'd that cut come from?" I asked calmly, touching his ear lightly.

"Hm? Oh this.." he touched the cut gingerly, "I don't know… I just woke up with it. Blood all over my pillow…"

I stared at him bewildered, "And you didn't think to tell me?"

He looked confused at the thought, "Why would I?"

"Because, I'm your boyfriend."

He flushed bright red, "I know… I didn't think it was anything important…"

"Of course, it's important. Do you know who did this?" I was actually appalled he'd never told me, "We've got to find out… It seems like…"

I was caught by surprise when Deidara interrupted me, "Itachi." He said fiercely, "There is nothing wrong, hm. Nobody is trying to get me, hm. Honestly, Itachi, hm. Trust me… have some faith that I would know if someone was trying to kill me, hm."

I starred at Deidara. He could be very brave when he wanted to be, it seemed. Too bad. I was about to crush his moral, "Deidara. I would like to find out who did this to you. I cannot do so without your help and as such, will you please tell when you got this cut?"

"I…I… I got it on Sunday… right. But… you needn't worry about me Itachi, hm. I will be fine hm."

I let it drop. I didn't want Deidara to get angry with me and think of leaving for the night, to his moms. And he would leave too, that was just Deidara for you.

I started to get up but he pulled me down, "Please… stay with me Itachi," he almost moaned it.

I was conflicted and I knew it shone on my face. My whole life I had been determined to never show my feelings. My father had lashed that into my brain from a very young age. My brother was the same way, but standing here now I felt naked, completely controlled by something deeper than the words spoken between me and Deidara.

I contemplated yelling at him, it seemed okay. I also thought of how that would upset him. Then a thought came racing into my head, hitting me with outstanding force, I felt slightly winded from the force of the mental blow.

_It would make Leader-sama so happy._

I didn't know why I had had that thought but I suddenly relished in it. I looked down at Deidara with the intention of yelling at him but, I stopped when I saw the traumatized look on his face.

"Dei? Deidara?"

"W-why?" he stammered. "Leader-sama…"

I immediately saw my error. I had forgotten Deidara could read minds when he chose to. I had forgotten to be careful with my thoughts. I had been careless and now I would suffer the consequences…

"How dare he? How could he think that?" Deidara jumped off the bed, angrier than hell. "You are like his child! What is that mans problem!!

I was completely lost. What the hell was this boy on about now? Doesn't make sense… "Deidara! What're you talking about?"

"Leader-sama! You should hear what that man is saying; is thinking!"

"Deidara.."

"Listen!" he exclaimed.

All I could hear was the normal sounds of the house. Soft moaning, pans, pots, explosions, screaming, every normal sound in the house. I couldn't pick out anything in specific that would be different.

Deidara gasped and covered his ears; he screamed and fell back onto the bed crying. "Deidara!" I exclaimed, reaching for him, "Are you okay?" I asked instinctively, although it was clear he was not.

He didn't respond. He just wrapped his arms around his legs, curling away from me. I reached for him anyways, pulled him into my arms and held him anyways. After a while, his weeping subsided and he began to relax against me. I rocked him a little and eventually he looked up at me, face red and eyes puffy. He looked half-crazed.

I opened my mouth to speak but he beat to it, "Itachi, I was inside Leader-sama's mind. It was horrible, hm. So many disturbances, he was like a ticking time bomb. He… he was screaming. And yet he was completely calm, hm. Part of his mind was at war with the other. And it hurt me, hm. It hurt my focus, hm. It cut at my mind. The scars in his head are unbelievable. And… and… his name, hm…" he faltered.

"Yes..? His name was..?" I gently prodded.

He looked up at me, very distressed. "Pein, hm."

"Pein…" I repeated. Something inside me fluttered. To have such a mystery unveiled was amazing. I was reeling in satisfaction, so much that I almost missed what Deidara said next, for his tone was so light.

"And he was thinking about you."

I choked in my mind, my voice came out rather hoarse, "Whaa?"

He looked at the ground. I had to concentrate to hear his words, "He… thinks about you. A lot. He kept calling you a bastard. A… a… a… fuck-up. An asshole. A waste of skin. But he had this underlining tone… it felt so real… this… compassion." He looked up at me mortified and with millions of unanswered questions in his eyes.

I knew I would not have all the answers he need and I knew that he did not have all of mine. I wanted to understand Leader-sama… no I wanted to understand Pein better. He was mysterious now. A new leaf in my book I had too uncover all the secrets in. At that moment, although I didn't quite understand it yet, or just hadn't picked up on it, I fell.

He was a dark black ocean pulling me under. Deidara meant nothing any longer. This man was my new toy. I wanted him and I would have him. Under the tides of curiosity and wonder, I craved air. Was this real? I was falling deeper under this sexually driven need to be with this man. Down under these intoxicating waves was my captivity. I did not resurface.


End file.
